And part of me wants to gnaw

From Go Comics at http://www.gocomics.com/cornered

Life 2.0 and parts

I watched the documentary about Second Life, called Life 2.0, that recently aired on the Oprah network. Second Life (SL) is a 3-dimentional virtual world with hundreds of thousands of "residents" (read "users"). The film follows the stories of three participants, telling the stories of the impact of their involvement on them and the people in their lives.

Frankly, as a longtime SL resident, I found the documentary fascinating, mostly because I don't know many users with stories like these.  I must admit, a part of me is concerned that others will jump to false assumptions, because the mood of the film is somewhat dark.

The reason I'm posting about it here is that one of the profiles was a gripping story of someone developing a relationship with a previously unknown exile through joining Second Life.

This 20-something man created an 11-year-old girl as his avatar. In contrast to the others profiled (and everyone in SL that I know), he refers to her in the third person and relates to her as a separate individual. So we get "Ayya loves to dance and play", "Ayya has made some good friends", goes to school, etc., "Ayya got really angry".

Almost immediately, SL becomes an obsession for him, spending 20 hours at a stretch online. Ayya's creator knows he's sacrificing his health, his relationship with his fiancee, his entire "real life", but he continues. He eventually realizes that the only way to gain control again is to completely delete the account which, after much preparation, he does. His fiancee leaves  him, however, and within a week, he's created another avatar, a teenaged boy, who develops relationships with Ayya's old friends.

We learn from Ayya's creator that in the course of this, he has been able to get in touch with the previously hidden fact that he had been sexually abused by his father when he was young. It was generally known that his dad had "molested the kids", but it had been assumed that it was just the girls. He'd considered himself lucky to have avoided it, but now he remembers the events.

The story is a fascinating exploration of parts. In fact, as I reflect on it, all of SL is an opportunity for people to embody parts of themselves or their Selves, as they choose. I'm going to have to think about that.

By the way, my inworld name is "Diva Regina", which should tell you something about the part of me that picked the name, at least. If anyone else is in SL, look me up.

Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver

Was it Dawn who shared this poem?

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Vicki's song

Vicki was kind enough to forward along the lyrics to the song she sang at the closing.

"How Could Anyone" by Shaina Noll

How could anyone ever tell you
You are anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
You are less than whole?


How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you're connected to my soul.

Thank you, Vicki.

You can click here to listen to a bit of the song again or hear more of Shaina Noll's music.

What's underneath the Self?

I love the way the IFS model deepens my understanding of the inside interplay of my emotions and reactions. But I wonder what Dick Schwartz (originator of the model) would say about the other aspects of who we are.

I believe that there's more to the substance of the person than feelings, assumptions, managers, firefighters, exiles, and moderating Self. (Click here for an explanation of some of the terms.) Somewhere inside live my values, genuine love, and the conviction that appreciation, gratitude, esteem and generosity are better than conniving, backstabbing, betrayal, and using others for one's own satisfaction.

What do you make of this? Is there a "meta-Self" where we are who we really are? If not, someone needs to explain to me why someone risks his/her life to save a stranger while all the firefighters and managers have to be screaming their heads off to prevent it.

Why?

I just returned from the second week of a two-week on-site training of the Internal Family System (IFS) therapy model. At church today, I was distracted by the desire to hold onto the little realizations that have popped up during and since that training. Since I'm a little better now at recognizing distractions as the persistent sleeve-tugging of a part of me that wants attention, I finally listened.

This blog is the result. It's my hope for it to become a community effort, because I learned so much from other people's stories. Time will tell.

Feel free to comment and discuss. If you're an IFS practitioner and you'd like to be a contributor, leave a comment or contact me using the "Email Me" link in the sidebar.